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Danny
Hex was bored and restless, but it seemed any time he went out- to the market to buy food or to a shop for a new book or game- he was increasingly anxious. And it didn't help that on one of his triips to the shops he'd picked up a couple bottles of vodka that he had hidden in his room. He tried to be sensible, drinking when Danny was out only. But some mornings he got up and had a deep swallow before going to brush his teeth.
He'd set out this morning for his therapy appointment but at the corner near the train stop a car backfired and he was instantly awash in cold sweat. His heart hammered in his chest. So he turned round and went home, calling the therapist on the way to cancel. And when he got home he locked up every single lock, armed the alarm system, and then he popped his pain pills. They began to work and he went to the garden, thinking he'd like a cup of coffee. Instead, there were Danny's cigarettes.
Hex had quit in the army when he'd replaced all his vices with physicality and had embraced his sexuality. But sometimes, high stress times, he wanted a fag. And so he pinched one and lit up.
He'd set out this morning for his therapy appointment but at the corner near the train stop a car backfired and he was instantly awash in cold sweat. His heart hammered in his chest. So he turned round and went home, calling the therapist on the way to cancel. And when he got home he locked up every single lock, armed the alarm system, and then he popped his pain pills. They began to work and he went to the garden, thinking he'd like a cup of coffee. Instead, there were Danny's cigarettes.
Hex had quit in the army when he'd replaced all his vices with physicality and had embraced his sexuality. But sometimes, high stress times, he wanted a fag. And so he pinched one and lit up.
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"That's not a bad idea. I'd been thinking the same," he admitted. "I don't think there's any harm in being extra cautious."
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Talking about this was so much better than dwelling on how he felt like shit almost all the time. Danny was a bright spot in his life and he didn't want the darkness that was eating him alive to touch the other man.
And so Hex smiled and moved away from the steeping cups to take Danny in his arms to hold him. Just hold him and feel the solid reality of him.
"Thank you," he said softly. "For everything."
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"You're here. You're helping me with this nonsense," he replied softly, resting his head on Danny's shoulder. "I truly do love you, Danny. You make things...better."
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"I love you too," was all he said in return. "But please, Hex. Don't fall apart on me. Please. I can't lose anyone else, I just can't, alright? So promise me you'll let me help you get through this. That you'll go to your appointments, that you'll take care of yourself. ...I need that. I need you."
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"I promise, Danny. I promise. I'll get help. I'll go to my appointment. I'll...I'll find a way," he swore. "I'm not going to fall apart."
He wasn't sure if it was true, but he'd like for it to be. He wanted to do the right thing by Danny.
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Hex stole a kiss then, a swift one, then smiled at Danny. A subtle nod of his head and then he was pulling the man to the counter.
"Tea's going to get cold if we keep on like that," he said, just a bit embarrassed.
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"Oh, well, I'll not keep you from it," Danny teased, smiling at the kiss, then moving to the counter to get his mug.
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Even making his tea seemed to take too much effort so he managed a spoonful of sugar and gave it a stir.
"What are you going to do now that I can't do the show?" he asked, feeling awful he'd killed Danny's job.
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"I don't want you giving head for rent," he cautioned. "I'll help you find...well, I don't know. Anything else."
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"Danny, please...I can't stand it," he said, then cut himself off. It wasn't his place to say what the man could do. He just knew it would break his heart.
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Hex left his cup and followed after, but stopped at Danny's doorway without stepping into the man's space.
"Danny," he said, his voice soft and gentle. "Don't be cross..."
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"But Danny, that's not what I meant," Hex replied softly as he stepped into the room. "I mean...I mean to say...oh my god, I just mean I can't stand the thought of anyone else touching you like that. Like you're just a thing. It makes me sick to think of some asshole just using you."
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He nodded, though, and closed his eyes.
"I could talk to someone at the hospital. See if there's any openings for housekeepers or the kitchen," he offered.
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"I love you," he said softly, nearly a whisper.
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It made him feel trapped.
Danny was still so wounded and messed up inside, and Hex- Hex never seemed to give him space to explore how he felt. It sometimes felt like if he didn't give Hex everything he emotionally needed, the other man would just fall apart- And it would all be his fault. Especially now.
"I love you too," Danny said quietly.
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"I'm going to go get me tea," he said. He wet his lips and considered a kiss, then decided he'd really rather let Danny be so he could go into his room and close the door and have a drink.
He didn't want Danny to know he had a secret stash of vodka. He didn't want the man to worry.
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