just_hex | Spencer

Spencer

Hex's attitude had brightened over the past weeks to the point that even the people at the hospital had noticed. No one gave him a hard time when he announced he had a boyfriend, but Caro did wink and nod and made him blush.

This week he'd lucked out and had actually gotten the weekend off...every dog had its day...and he'd made plans with Spencer. Hex had cooked, nothing terribly fancy, just some chicked and some oven baked chips, and he'd set up a new documentary in his queue. He really was itching to go out but he and Spencer had never really discussed...well, he doubted very much he'd get Spencer out to the Hoist and he wasn't too keen on going to a bar.

He met Spencer at the door with a smile, the rich scent of dinner filling his flat. The first impulse was to kiss him but Hex was always very careful, very purposeful when he touched Spencer. The last thing he wanted was to startle him.

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He nodded at that sympathetically. "Me mum left me with me nan like that. Just left when I was one. Never heard from her at all," he said. Hex paused considering the wisdom of his curiosity. He decided he really wanted to know.

"What's her diagnosis, then? That she's been committed for so long?"

"She's fine as long as she stays on her meds, but- She's schizophrenic," he said, looking away.

"Oh, that's rather serious," Hex said with calm concern. It was quite the understatement and he knew it. Schizophrenia could be a terribly devastating diagnosis and if she needed to be hospitalized to insure she took her medication that was...that was serious indeed.

"It's good she's got you to take care of her like that, Spencer. Even if that care is from a distance. Was she afflicted your whole life or did it come up as you got older? No, wait, you don't have to tell me that if you don't want to..."

"She was always unwell, but- she got worse each year. In the end, I knew I couldn't look after her if I wanted a life of my own," Spencer confessed, his guilt apparent.

"That's true, Spencer. That's absolutely true. Say, now...chin up. You've done right by her. She's cared for and secure. That's good. It's not as if you turned your back on her and lit off for parts unknown," Hex said, leaning in closer and touching Spencer's arm.

"You did right, yeah? And you love her- that's obvious. If you didn't then this wouldn't weigh on you."

Spencer nodded, but his silence lingered for a moment.

"You said your mother left. ...Do you know where she went?"

"No. Not a clue. One day she just took me to me nan and went," he replied. "And me dad...they weren't married or anything and he worked at the docks. But he died when I was young. The work was so hard. That just left me and me nan...until I left when I finished school and joined the army."

"That must have been awful, Hex," Spencer said softly. "Though you seem very well adjusted despite that. It speaks highly for your mental stability."

He chuckled softly at that and slowly shook his head.

"The service helped a lot. I was...not a good lad. I was in quite a bit of trouble when I was young, actually. But I grew up and changed things for meself. Now I try me best to be a good man. A decent human being."

"You harbour a bit of a power complex though, that's why you indulge in power play fantasies. It's likely due to your feeling of having a lack of control in your life when you were younger," Spencer explained.

"Do you think that's why? Probably so," he said, embarrassed a but by how matter-of-fact Spencer was about it. He didn't feel ashamed of his proclivities but he wasn't exactly comfortable with being entirely open about it, either.

"It's not uncommon," Spencer offered, aware that Hex was uncomfortable. "There's nothing wrong with it. ...I don't disapprove, if that's what you're worried about."

"Oh, no...it's not that. I just...I don't really talk about it, yeah? I know it's odd," he replied quietly.

"You're ashamed?" Spencer suggested.

"Not ashamed. I just know that it's not what most people think of as...as healthy. People misunderstand and I'm not comfortable explaining. So I just keep it quiet," he replied, looking to his ankle where he picked at the cuff of his trousers.

"It was uncomfortable for me to even talk to you about it. About the discipline and control I like and not the pain. I'm not much of a sadist, but people think that's all part of the package, yeah?"

"I think it's interesting. ...I think you're interesting," Spencer said, offering a small smile. "I wont make you talk about it if you really don't want to though."

That disarmed Hex and the sharp sting of embarrassment ebbed as he looked at Spencer.

"You think it's interesting?" he asked. "I thought...I thought you thought I was...deviant. Like a criminal."

"What you do is consensual, there's nothing criminal about that," Spencer replied, tilting his head and studying Hex curiously.

"Oh, well, yeah...no," he said, looking down again. "Not that it matters. I haven't done anything since we've been seeing each other."

He hadn't been to the Hoist in weeks, hadn't spoken to anyone from the scene, either. It wasn't all that unusual- sometimes he just wasn't as into it. And lately he simply couldn't fathom being with anyone else, even to play.

"Do you want to do it with me?" Spencer asked bluntly.

His shock hit him hard then immediately he felt doused, heat washing over him all at once.

"I'd...yes. I want to do everything with you," he said, seeing no reason to lie. Spencer had played a role in his fantasies for the past few weeks, though they were as likely to be sedate or even romantic as they were to be a part of his fetish.

Spencer went silent as he thought about it for a moment.

"I'd be willing, as long as we talked about it first and I knew what to expect," Spencer decided.

He nodded. "I don't do it here. I have a couple times, but usually I go to this club called The Hoist. It's safe there. There's rules. A dress code. And everyone knows what's on the menu," he said. "Maybe we could make a date for it. Talk it over and go out for a night..."

"We could go tonight," Spencer said, shrugging. "Unless you don't think they'd let me in. ...Do I need a suit?" he asked, assuming that 'dress code' meant dressing nicely.

That made him laugh softly.

"No, you don't need a suit. Would you like to see? They have a website," he said. He didn't wait for Spencer to answer, he just grabbed his laptop and opened it and went to the bookmark.

"You have to wear boots, but they have those to let. And I could probably loan you something- you'd be fine in a jock and boots. Probably get quite a lot of attention, in fact," he said. "It might be something you want to think over. I'd gladly take you tonight if you'd like to go, though."

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