just_hex | Danny

Danny

After leaving Fin's Hex had taken his time getting to the tube. He'd waited on the train and every moment that passed made him more and more queasy. He knew he needed to come clean with Danny. He knew he needed to accept responsibility for his actions. But he didn't want to. A big part of him wanted to go on without saying anything at all. Maybe Danny wouldn't notice.

He knew that wasn't true, though.

Danny noticed. Danny knew. He just knew things. It was impossible to lie to him, even moreso since Hex was a shit liar.

He finally came into the house well after dark and took off his jacket. He'd hoped Danny was out getting high but the lights were on and he knew the man was home. No avoiding this any longer, then.

"You home?" he called as he shed his jacket.

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"Is that what you want? An open relationship?" Danny asked quietly, glancing at Hex and then looking back down at his tea. "Would it just be him, or... Are there other people you want to have sex with? I mean, I'm not completely against it, not if it'll make you happy, not if it's what you need, but- I'm sick, Hex, I could make you sick. There has to be a certain amount of caution involved. ...And it goes both ways. My immune system is doing alright so far, but getting sick is a concern for me, yeah?"

"It's not anyone else," he replied. He'd been expecting anger. He'd been expecting Danny to be so hurt as to lash out. To hear him so kind and understanding gutted Hex. How could he even be suggesting this to someone as perfect as Danny? What sort of monster was he.

Hex finally gave up on his tea and put the mug on the bedside table.

"Just Fin," he continued. "But it's not really sex...not really. I want to hurt him. When I'm around him all I can think of is the most brutal things. And it's like I don't even want them, but he...he does things to me head, Danny. And now that I'm here, with you, away from all that all I can think is that it might be best all around if I'm just never around him again. But that hurts, too, because he's me best mate. The first one I really had since leaving 'Pool."

And when he thought about it, the mates he'd had back home hadn't ever been like Fin was.

Danny set his mug aside, chewing his bottom lip, then sighing.

"I worry about what will happen when I'm gone," he confessed. "I wont pretend I like the idea of you and him, but- I never want you to be alone. I want you to have people in your life. People who'll support you, people you love. Your obsession with him, it- It feels a bit unhealthy, if I'm honest, but... I can accept you having something with him, if it means you wont be alone when I'm gone."

That was something Hex didn't like to think on and hearing Danny say it so plainly, to speak of what they both knew was inevitable, it made his eyes burn and tear up.

He turned then to face Danny more and wrapped an arm around him, pressing his forehead to Danny's shoulder.

"I love you so much, Danny," he said quietly. "I don't ever want to lose you."

"I don't ever want to go," Danny said softly, his voice a bit tight and broken. He was as much a realist as he was a romantic though. At least when it came to matters of the heart anyway.

"I love you, Thomas Hector Schofield," he whispered. "I never want you to hurt like I've hurt."

Hex held him tighter. Then tighter still.

"If I could wish this all away, I would. I'd wish you better. I'd wish I was stronger. I'd wish for so many things, Danny," he said. He knew he could likely do it, too. Surely Will would grant a wish to give Danny good health. Hex didn't even care what the cost would be.

But he knew if he made another wish Fin would tear his bloody throat out, so he knew he couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to.

"I'm not going to die tomorrow," Danny said softly, trying to be reassuring. "For all we know I'm going to live a long and happy life."

"With the new treatments that's entirely likely," he replied. Still, HIV loomed like a shadow, always there. It was nothing he could wish away. Even Willy couldn't have that sort of power.

"I'll be by your side as long as you'll have me, Danny. It's us against the world, right? You and me."

He turned his head so he could kiss Danny's jaw, then seek his lips so he could seal that promise.

Danny turned his head slightly to meet him, returning the kiss softly.

He couldn't help but wonder what Scotty would think of all of this, and found himself wishing something he wished often- That the other man was still there to talk to, to guide him. ...To tell him if he was being an idiot.

Slowly, softly, Hex took comfort from Danny's kiss. He was such a fool. How could he risk this? What was he thinking? Yes, Fin was his best mate and he loved him, and God knew he couldn't control himself around the man. But Danny was so loving, so giving. More understanding than Hex deserved.

"I love you so much," he whispered. No, Danny wouldn't die tomorrow. Yes, there was every chance that with proper medication he could live a very long life. A tear ran down his cheek and he held Danny, wishing to himself that he could just not have feelings for Fin.

"I know. ...I know," Danny promised. "I trust you, Hex. ...I trust you to come home to me, no matter where you wander."

God, he hoped he wasn't being a total fool though. He hoped Hex's heart really was here with him.

"You are home," he said softly. "Everything about you is exactly what I've dreamed of all me life. Danny, I love you..."

It wasn't enough. Words weren't enough. He didn't know how to tell Danny he was everything. Everything he'd ever dreamed of, everything he'd ever hoped for. A part of him began to resent Fin a bit, for having such power over him. He knew, without a doubt, the next time they were together Hex would be overcome with the mad desire to fuck Fin senseless. But now, right now, here when he was sane, Hex couldn't dream of anyone more perfect than Danny.

Danny slipped his arm around Hex, ducking his head and exhaling softly against the other man's neck. All the while he tried hard not to think about the fact that Hex had likely spoken similar words to Fin.

Hex held on for a long moment. His heart thudded in his chest and all the fears and worries he had carried with him on the tube ride home slowly began to fade. He finally moved and cupped Danny's cheek so he could look into his eyes.

"I love you so much," he said. "Meeting you that day you came into the clinic was the luckiest day of me whole life."

"Kind of a miserable way to reconnect," Danny pointed out with an uncomfortable and dry sounding laugh.

"No. Not at all," he replied with a soft smile. "Not the dream of love at first sight, but..."

Danny had had love at first sight with Alex. He'd had love, passion, devotion. Hex only hoped he felt a fraction of those same feelings for him. Alex's ghost was difficult to compete with.

"Getting a possible death sentence isn't a great way to spark romance," Danny replied quietly, exhaling softly, then curling up against Hex again.

"I think there was a reason it was me that did your test. Fate, yeah? It turned to be something. Something good."

He kissed Danny then, soft and slow.

"A good thing. The best thing."

Danny nodded a bit, a soft sigh escaping him as his eyes slipped shut and he found himself focusing on the touch of Hex's hands and the perfect heat of his body.

"I'm really tired tonight," he confessed.

"Then you should sleep," he replied gently. "Come on. Get ready for bed. I'll rub your back a bit if you like."

"I'd rather you just held me," Danny smiled softly.

Hex smiled and kissed Danny's forehead.

"Happy to," he said, then pulled away so he could get changed into night clothes and brush his teeth. He kept peeking at Danny to see if he was doing the same preparations.

Danny moved a bit slower, finishing his tea before getting up to change into a pair of pyjama bottoms. Half bare, he paused to view himself in the mirror, frowning at the sight of bones and fragile looking skin. He needed to take better care, he thought- Just as he thought nearly every night, even though his habits barely changed.

Soon he was in the bathroom beside Hex, brushing his teeth and scrutinizing the dark circles under his eyes.

Hex spit and rinsed and stepped back so Danny could have the sink. He reached out and laid his hand on the man's back, rubbing up and down slowly.

"You're so beautiful," he said. He could see past those dark circles, the foam in his mouth, the unkempt hair. Hex saw deeper than the cosmetics, he saw who Danny was. Perhaps love made him blind to any flaws...he didn't care, though. He liked what he saw.

Danny wanted to laugh at that, but a mouthful of foam kept him silent a minute longer, until he was rinsing and spitting. Even then though, he didn't speak- He turned and simply kissed Hex's cheek. He wasn't beautiful, not like he'd once seen himself anyway. ...It was nice that Hex thought so though. It was nice to hear.

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