Spencer

[just_hex]

They'd set another date and Hex was excited. Maybe more excited than he had any right to be. Spencer was a puzzle, to be sure, but Hex felt he was worth working out. He'd done a bit of reading up on Autism and he found some things fit and some didn't so he was left unsure. He reasoned that was a good indication he should stay in nursing and to leave the diagnoses to the doctors.

Spencer was due any minute and Hex had sprang for pizza and some Cokes. He'd set out plates and such and then settled on the sofa to catch up on the sports scores while he waited for Spencer to come round. If only he could stop checking his watch.

Comments

[dr_spencer_reid]

Spencer nodded, finishing his slice and watching Hex work. Spencer knew so little about video games, but he was always keen to learn.

[just_hex]

"So now that you've been here longer, how do you like it? Are you homesick for America? When I went to Afghanistan I really only got homesick for the food," he said as he slid the disc in. He pulled the controllers from their docks as well.

He was really just making conversation, choosing a topic that wasn't too terribly personal but would open up conversation to something a bit more intimate than discussing the weather.

[dr_spencer_reid]

"I miss home," Spencer admitted quietly, tucking his hair back behind his ears. "I miss my friends, and I miss my old job... I just don't think I'm ready to go back."

[just_hex]

"There's no shame in that. Any of that," Hex said. He moved in closer so he could hand Spencer a controller. "And for my part, the longer you're in London, the happier I am."

[dr_spencer_reid]

Spencer took the controler, smiling in return. He was touched by Hex's words, and it showed.

"Thanks," he said softly. "You make being here a lot easier."

[just_hex]

Hex kept close, right in Spencer's space, and he slowly laid his hand on the man's waist.

"I like that," he smiled. "That means there's good odds I'll get to keep seeing you, yeah?" he asked with a note of hope.

[dr_spencer_reid]

Spencer blushed, looking sheepish, then nodding a little. "I'd like that."

[just_hex]

He stroked Spencer's side affectionately, then Hex moved away to sit down on the sofa. He nodded to the space next to him.

"Sit down. Lt's shoot some things," he said happily.

[dr_spencer_reid]

Sitting down, Spencer examined the controller and then looked at the screen. "I'm surprised you like war games," he said, glancing at Hex.

[just_hex]

"War games aren't really like war. And I never did anything like this. I had a gun, but I never fired it except during training," he replied.

[dr_spencer_reid]

"It doesn't give you flashbacks then, or trigger bad memories?" he asked.

[just_hex]

"Not at all," he said, turning a smile on Spencer. "It's not real. Just a game. Now maybe if bombs stared to actually fall or someone really pointed a gun at me I might react, but this is just a computer program, yeah? It can't hurt me."

[dr_spencer_reid]

"Someone pointed a gun at you when you were a medic?" Spencer asked, looking a little shocked by that.

[just_hex]

"...All kinds of things happen, Spencer," he said, forgetting the game for a second as he looked at the other man. "All kinds of things. But you learn from them and grow. Even getting shot, I learned something about myself."

[dr_spencer_reid]

"And what if you don't grow?" Spencer asked quietly. "What if something happens and you can't come back from it?"

[just_hex]

Hx looked at him for a long moment. Then he put the controller down so he could rest his hands on Spencer's legs.

"You always grow...just, sometimes, it's not the way you want to grow, yeah? I really believe you make your choices, Spencer. And when bad things happen, really awful things, you make a choice to live with yourself as you are, make a change to keep going on, or give up." He paused. "And since you came to London and you're still alive, I think you've made a choice. And you can smile, so it can't be a bad choice, yeah?"

[dr_spencer_reid]

"I ran away," Spencer said quietly. "From my friends, from my team. I abandoned them- because I'm too scared to go back. ...I died, Hex. A man took me, drugged me, tortured me- and I died. If he hadn't- If he hadn't resuscitated me, I wouldn't be here."

[just_hex]

"Oh my god, Spencer," Hex said softly, his eyes growing wide. "Oh...god. Are you alright? I mean, alright, no. No, you're not. But you're safe here. You're safe ,i>here

[dr_spencer_reid]

"I don't really feel safe anywhere," Spencer admitted. "It was bad for a while- I was abusing certain drugs- but I stopped when I came to London. That's part of the reason I came here, to get sober."

He shook his head, looking apologetic.

"I'm sorry, I'm ruining our night," he said quietly.

[just_hex]

"You're not. You're really not,' Hex assured him. He reached out and took Spencer's controller from him and sat it aside, too.

"It's hard to be in recovery," he said. "I understand that better than most people. I stopped drinking and it was the best and most difficult thing I've ever done. So...if you want to talk about it, I'll listen. And if you want to go to a sobriety meeting, I'll go with you. You're not alone unless you want to be, Spencer."

[dr_spencer_reid]

"You would go with me? Really?" Spencer asked, taken aback by Hex's kindness. "I'd- I'd really appreciate that. I've always gone alone."

[just_hex]

"And see, that doesn't help. A big part of what makes the program wok is fellowship," he said. Hex shifted, twisting to face Spencer and doing his best to keep meeting Spencer's eyes...as best he could, anyway.

"I'd be happy to go with you. Any time."

[dr_spencer_reid]

"I'd like that. A lot," Spencer said softly, offering a faint smile. "We could go once a week."

[just_hex]

"We could go as often as you like. I go to one that's alcohol only, but there's plenty that are mixed group, or i'd be happy to go to a drugs one with you if you want one for...that." He paused. "What are you addicted to?"

[dr_spencer_reid]

Spencer looked away, swallowing hard and wetting his lips. "Dilaudid," he said quietly. "That's what he- Tobias- That's what Tobias dosed me with when he was holding me captive."

He didn't want to talk about that though, and he swiftly changed the topic. "When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol?" he asked.